Not Just Me?

Have you ever worked in an organisation with a toxic leader Reader?

The kind of leader who tells you how to do your job… even though you were hired because you’re the expert.

The one who constantly undermines your role, questions your decisions, goes behind your back, and makes choices that directly affect your work without even speaking to you.

That kind of leader.

I experienced it in two different organisations.

You could say I jumped out of the frying pan and straight into the fire.

What I realised was that, each time, I reached the same conclusion.

It must be me.

• Maybe I wasn’t good enough.
• Maybe I wasn’t strategic enough.
• Maybe everyone else knew something I didn’t.

And slowly over time, that self-doubt became louder than I realised. Eventually, I walked away from a career I’d worked incredibly hard to build through burnout.

Looking back now, I can see what I couldn’t see then.

I wasn’t just carrying the weight of my own role, I was carrying the impact of someone else’s leadership.

So many senior leaders quietly do the same.

• We adjust ourselves.
• We work harder.
• We over-prepare.
• We question our judgement.

All because we assume the problem must be us.

What if the environment you’re leading in is slowly changing how you see yourself?

The reality is that toxic leadership doesn’t just damage cultures, it damages confidence.

And confidence shapes how we lead, and that leadership shapes how we see ourselves.

And our self-belief determines what’s possible next.

In my book, I’m writing about these experiences because I know I'm not the only one who’s lived through this.

If you’ve ever worked with a leader who made you question your capability, I’d genuinely love to hear your story to help me shape the narrative - and I may even include your story in my book (with permission of course).

Remember, sometimes the problem isn’t our capability. It’s the system we’ve been trying so hard to survive in.

Know that you are good enough.

Many thanks,

Niki

P.S. One of the biggest myths in leadership is that if someone undermines you enough, there must be some truth in it - there isn’t. Sometimes prolonged exposure to unhealthy leadership simply makes capable people doubt themselves.